After my last few blog posts publicly outed me as an atheist, I’ve had a lot of people ask me why. I was always a pretty devout Christian (well, maybe a 6 or 7 on a scale of 1-10 anyway) and it took a lot of people by surprise. So, I’ll go ahead and explain and then I won’t have to again.
Before I began to go astray, I was pretty devout. I was raised religious and knew my Bible pretty well. I had been known to get into some religious discussions/debates and I could even hold my own pretty well. I was always the type of person who kept an open mind. I wasn’t going to tell someone they were wrong because I disagreed with them. The only times I wouldn’t be as likely to listen to someone was if they either seemed very ignorant in what they said (or how they said it) or they were being arrogant assholes. I had and still do have lots of Christian friends, though I don’t talk to them as much usually. More on that later….
The Beginning of the End
In mid 2014, I was bored in my room one day and stumbled across some videos from Hemant Mehta from The Atheist Voice. I don’t recall which, but it was definitely one of them pointing out flaws in the supposedly infallible Bible. I thought about turning a blind eye and pretending I didn’t hear it but then I decided that I shouldn’t pretend that Christianity is the only possible answer.
Soon, I began drafting a document with questions I had about God. I asked several pastors I knew and not a single one answered. They were either too busy, forgot, or told me they didn’t want to tell me what to believe. I was heartbroken, so I went to my dad. He answered them, or at least tried to. He was unsure on several of them, but at least he tried.
It took me quite a bit of time to decide. I continued going to church, hoping someone could help. Nobody ever did. Eventually I slowly began to give up. Finally, in November of 2016, I decided I couldn’t accept the existence of a god anymore. I had been watching other atheists on YouTube and I felt their answers were more logical than any I’d ever gotten from Christians. And I didn’t see how any other religion could give better answers. I told a few people, including my brother and my then-boyfriend, but kept it a secret from the rest of my family for awhile. I was unsure how my parents would react and since I lived with them I didn’t want to upset them and make the household tense. I also didn’t (and still haven’t) told my sister. She’s young and I didn’t want her to get confused.
Finally, in February 2017, I moved out into my own apartment. I told them about a week and a half later. To their credit, they took it pretty well. I don’t know how they felt behind the scenes, but they did accept it and didn’t force me to continue attending church.
I wasn’t so lucky with my grandmother. She yelled at me, made it clear that she didn’t know how atheism works, and still refuses to respect or even accept it and keeps telling me I need to pray over petty things (for example, I’m supposed to pray before going shopping that I won’t buy anything I don’t need).
Now, I have a lot of people trying to reconvert me. They even sometimes have friends who back them up and don’t stop. However, there are also people who respect my beliefs whether they agree or not. I’ve had friends tell me that despite me being religious from the age of 5, I was never a believer if I’m not now. That’s probably the most upsetting thing believers tell me. They don’t know my story but they assume to. I will admit, I was that kind of person once (the type to say things like that) and I am so sorry for that. My good friends are accepting, though the Christian ones might pray for me, but if they do, they haven’t pushed it on me, which I’m grateful for.
So….yeah. This is how I came to this conclusion. At this point I don’t see anything reconverting me.